say it now
by god apollo
Summary: "Why isn't your heart beating, Elena?" - elena/elijah oneshot


Elijah&Elena

_Don't wait just let your heart speak_

…

Elena just wanted to be alone. Nobody seemed to understand that - _alone_ seemed to be a foreign concept to all of them. She tried not to get irritated when they smothered her with their company, their gifts, their goddamn 'vampire lessons'. They treated her as if she was something fragile and couldn't be trusted to spend five seconds by herself. She _tried_, but her irritation has only multiplied because of her new vampire senses, so she was still irritated.

It has been ten days since she died in the lake and came back an immortal. She hated everything about being a vampire, craving blood, not being able to see the sunlight, _being treated like a child_. But the one thing she especially hated was the guilt and sadness that washed over her. She was guilty because no matter how hard she tried to be, she couldn't find it in herself to be grateful that Stefan saved Matt even though she told him to. She loves him more for that – she was sure about that, but she couldn't find the gratefulness towards him. She was sad because this wasn't the life she wanted and because she got the second and third chance that her parents never got. They should be alive here and now, not her.

When Bonnie finally spelled a ring for Elena so she could walk freely in the sunlight, Elena demanded they let her out by herself. She knew why they hesitated; she couldn't be trusted on her own. She was tempted by blood. Tempted wasn't actually an accurate word – yearning was more exact.

The first time Jeremy stepped into the same room as her, it was like the whole of her existence zoomed in on him – on the blood pounding in his neck. Thankfully, the Salvatores were there to hold her off – but it didn't erase the memory of wanting to rip her own brother alive.

Since then, she has become more in control. She could handle being in the same room as Bonnie or Jeremy without completely desiring their blood. Which was why she knew she was ready to explore the outside world with her new senses without their help.

She just wanted to be alone.

So she did. She kissed Stefan a farewell and ignored Damon's protests and raced for outside.

She was fast – she hadn't received a chance to attempt at how fast she could really go until this moment, and she was exhilarated. She ran for what seemed to be hours, but was really probably only two minutes.

She came to a literal screeching halt in the woods when she smelled something familiar. She couldn't fully comprehend why the smell was familiar but she slowly walked in the general direction of it. She stopped when she could see a male figure faced away from her. It didn't take her long to finally place the familiar scent with a name – Elijah.

She was about to call out his name when he turned at vampire's speed and faced her. He was on high alert until he recognized her and relaxed.

"Elena." He acknowledged, and then froze. Carefully he studied her – everything about her. Her sight, her smell, and her heartbeat – one of which was not present or beating. Instantly he raced so he was only a few inches in front of her.

Elena gasped and stood frozen. "Why isn't your heart beating, Elena?" Elijah demanded.

She pursed her lips and willed herself not to cry – hiding emotions as a vampire was harder than she assumed. Elijah snaked his hand into her hair and forced her to look at him. "Why?" He insisted again.

Finally, Elena spoke. "You know why." She whispered.

"Yes, I realized how it isn't beating, but _why isn't it beating_?" His eyes zeroed in on hers and pushed the answer out of her. It was the second time he has ever compelled her.

"Rebekah forced Matt and me off the bridge. I was fed blood before I died." She responded robotically. Elijah growled and pulled away from her.

"I'm going to kill her." He searched around the woods, even though he knew she was long gone by now.

Elena turned away as tears began to headily stream down her face. Elijah heard her quiet gasping and turned to her once more. When he saw how broken he was his eyes softened and moved back to her.

"Elena, I'm sorry my sister was the cause of this. I'm sorry she did this to you." He murmured while turning her face back to him.

"If it wasn't your sister, it would have been someone else. I wasn't meant to live, Elijah." She whispered as he stroked her face.

"Oh, Elena." His voice cracked, he hated seeing her completely shattered. Especially because it was his sister's doing. Elijah wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and pressed his forehead against the top of her hair.

This was Elena. Sweet, compassionate, stubborn Elena. The human he had always taken a liking towards – although she was no longer human.

Elijah pulled back from their embrace and wiped her tears away with his strong thumbs.

He had lost his brother, and now Elena had to lose her humanity – or maybe she didn't have to lose it completely.

"Elena, being what we are, it isn't as terrible as you think it is. Once you get passed the bloodlust, you can find your inner humanity. Then you see what is beautiful about the world."

"Yeah," She said while looking down. "But maybe that is my problem. Wanting to find my humanity."

And then Elena was gone before Elijah could even blink.

…

a/n: Oh dark Elena is dark. Yeah…this sucks. Oops. This could be turned into a multichip, but it's me - I never finish things. So let's just call this a crappy oneshot.


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